How Can I Fix Myself?
I Worried
by Mary Oliver
I worried a lot. Will the garden grow, will the rivers flow in the right direction,
will the earth turn as it was taught, and if not how shall I correct it?
Was I right, was I wrong, will I be forgiven,
can I do better?
Will I ever be able to sing, even the sparrows
can do it and I am, well,
hopeless.
Is my eyesight fading or am I just imagining it,
am I going to get rheumatism,
lockjaw, dementia?
Finally I saw that worrying had come to nothing.
And I gave it up. And took my old body
and went out into the morning,
and sang.
I’ve been thinking an awful lot lately about how easy it can become to let my thoughts run away with me, especially when it comes to healing.
Am I doing it right? Am I doing everything I can to be healthy in my body, mind, and spirit? Am I exercising enough? Journaling enough? Eating enough vegetables? Resting enough? Playing enough? Having good boundaries? Are my boundaries too permeable? Too rigid? Am I a pushover? A jerk? Am I a good enough homeopath, artist, daughter, partner, sister, friend? Should I drink less coffee? Watch less TV? Go for more walks?
The list is endless…
The persistent need to fix ourselves is a real human urge isn’t it? I think on some level or another, this way of thinking affects all of us. We get a moment of stillness and suddenly, we have to fill it with all the worries and ways in which we should be trying to make ourselves better, it can even feel like an addiction. A never-ending battle to feed the “could I be doing this better” beast. I think for a lot of us, it comes from a space of deep fear of the unknown and shame from not feeling like we measure up.
I found my brain clouded with this thinking on a walk the other day and as a breeze brushed across my face, I felt a whisper, “What if there is nothing to fix?”
But, Katie, there are always things we can improve upon… and to that I say, of course! But hear me out for a second…
Have you ever gotten a raw seed wet? What happens? If it stays in a moist environment for even a brief amount of time, it will sprout. If that environment stays moist, it will grow roots. If it’s planted, it will grow into a plant, a tree, whatever it is meant to be.
The seed, the sprout, the plant doesn’t say, “Shoot, I should have done this earlier”, or “Am I growing in the right direction?” Its life force simply grows because the nature of the plant is simply to LIVE. Have you ever seen a dandelion growing through a crack in a sidewalk? Talk about wanting LIFE!
What if you thought about yourself this way? How the sole purpose of your life force — the very nature of your being — is to live. What if every natural manifestation — a physical symptom, sensation, or emotion — is your life force’s way of keeping you in working order? What if there is nothing to fix? What if your body is doing everything it needs to do to survive…
And what if in these “I need to fix myself” moments, you caught yourself and said “I know my life force is doing everything in it’s power to keep me alive and healthy.”
As for the places we get stuck, or the symptoms that are persisting, that’s when homeopathy can be such a wonderful healing modality. A homeopathic remedy gently, powerfully, and deeply reorients our life force. Helping us heal from the deepest layers to our most superficial — energy-spirit, mind-emotions, to the physical.
Practice witnessing what arises without judgement, have curiosity and compassion for your symptoms, sensations, and feelings, and then release it.
Did this resonate with you?
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Have questions about the homeopathic process? Pricing? Wondering if it can help you?