The Little Boxes We Build

The past year of my life has been full of changes. I left two part-time jobs that were no longer serving me and committed to selling my artwork as a watercolorist while I trudged my way through my final year of homeopathy school — I’m using the word “trudge” both lovingly and honestly. I moved from Minneapolis and planted myself here in Two Harbors, a town a 3-hour drive away from where I spent my whole life, something I’ve always wanted, but has been a transition nonetheless. I am now finding myself in the beginning phases of running two small businesses. The seeds have been planted, they have sprouted and at this point, I am tending to two gardens. It feels both terrifying and exhilarating all at the same time. But doing all of this has had me reflecting on my journey as a patient, a student, and a practitioner of homeopathy and how this path has led me from a space of paralyzing self-doubt to here, a place where I am learning to trust my inner voice, lean into my own vulnerability and find my brave.

I’m going to be super raw with you right now. When I started school for homeopathy, I had never planned on starting a career as an artist smack dab in the middle of my training. But because over the past few years, I have vowed to trust my intuition, or the nagging voice that tells me I need to do something, I closed my eyes and sort of let myself fall into it. To my surprise, what was originally a hobby turned into a full-blown business. I was able to release two of my part-time admin gigs that weren’t bringing me joy anymore and I committed myself to practicing and selling my art.

That’s when I hit a snag.

As I poured myself into my role as an artist, I started to become a little disenchanted with school. I knew I loved homeopathy, and I knew I was in love with creating art. My focus was split, I was tired, and I was beginning to doubt that I had chosen the right path. There was an inner conflict that was rising up inside me and for about ten months, I couldn’t figure out what I was doing with my life.

The truth was, I honestly believed that I couldn’t do both of these things. I believed with every fiber in my being that if I had committed to one, the other would suffer. I doggedly held this belief that I had to choose.

What I had built for myself was a little box.

A little box that said, “you can have this, or you can have that, but you can’t have both.” And it was making me completely miserable. Because this little box of “can’t” was robbing me of any possibility of “can.”

I have been thinking about this little box. Ultimately, why did I build it? Why have I set any limitations on what I can do, when I’ve vowed to commit myself to building a life that makes me happy? Then I realized my reason for building this box is quite simple…

It’s fear.

That little box kept me safe. It gave me the ability to predict an outcome. It also ensured I couldn’t fail at one career, because hey! you can’t fail if you never try! The reason I was feeling so miserable was that I was ignoring my own divine light, the intuition saying, you are both a homeopath and an artist and you can do both.

All of this has had me thinking about how homeopathy helps us. Why choosing a remedy that is similar to the energy of the person nudges us in the direction of healing.

When we take a remedy that matches our energetic state, it’s like looking into a mirror. It allows us to see ourselves separate from our suffering. It helps us ask the questions, “Why do I believe this about myself? Where did this pattern come from?” Or, “How is this belief not me?” and “Is it even true?”

When we ask ourselves these questions, we begin to remove the walls of the little boxes we’ve built for ourselves. In turn, we start to see ourselves as we truly are — the potential we hold, the divine light within — and the not-self; our patterns, our delusions, our conditioning, begins to fall away.

In sharing this, my hope is that you take a step back and examine any little box you have built for yourself and that you do so with a loving gaze. We set these limitations to keep ourselves safe, because we are afraid of getting hurt, of failure, of suffering. Because at one point, that box was a protective measure.

But maybe, just maybe, you don’t need it anymore. Maybe you’re feeling it’s time to start removing the nails and the boards that hold you in and find the freedom that comes only from expanding into your truly authentic self.

I’ll be doing it with you.